“ I had to find a diet that would kick me back into dating shape, because I know that I can't date at size 8. I have to date at size 2. And it's just a fact of nature. Go get your injections and your chemical peels. You gotta look good to attract a man. ”

“ Taylor Swift dates guys so she can write a breakup song about them. I don't think she's dating for love - I think she's dating for creativity. So let's get her off the market and put her in dating detox. If she really wants love, she has to stop writing music about them. ”

“ The rich are different. Their wants are very high maintenance. They'll pick eye color and hair color, all the way down to what she does for a living, what school she went to. Their list can be extremely long. But at the end of the day, dating is dating, because they're human beings. ”

“ I have put gay dating on the map. ”

“ I dated a guy and he liked me but I didn't like him. I went through his wardrobe and cleaned out his house and got him to get a new car. He said to me, 'If I give you $10,000, will you find me my wife because I want someone like you?' And within a year, he got married. That was the first match that led to me leaving my corporate job. ”

“ I'm on the Sensa diet. It's a little magic powder based on Dr. Hirsh's clinical trials and studies and it basically signals the brain that you're full through smellology. ”

“ On both 'The Bachelor' and 'The Bachelorette,' it seems like proposing marriage is equivalent to saying, 'Let's date.' Everyone knows those aren't the same things. ”

“ For the women in California, they're just downtrodden because they're so gorgeous here. Every hot cheerleader comes to California to make it. The men don't want to get married, they're lazy lions. Matthew McConaughey is their poster boy so they can procreate and live on the beach in the trailer and have kids and have money and be hedonistic. ”

“ If you're giving love and not receiving it, you're not in the right relationship. If you're receiving it and not giving it than you are taking advantage of the other person. ”

“ A man can be drawn across the room with the simplicity of a smile. That's why your pearly whites should always be straight and shiny. I think most of my clients are drawn to a fun, flirty nature in a woman. The problem is, most women do not often feel fun and flirty. ”