“ The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. ”

“ If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend. ”

“ A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows. ”

“ Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog. ”

“ Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own. ”

“ Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon. ”

“ A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success! ”

“ Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. ”

“ Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk. ”

“ Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it. ”