“ Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they're fun, they do things together, they're best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom. ”

“ Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon. ”

“ In the last three years of racing I've met as many women fans as men fans, and in NASCAR it's the same thing. My wife loves cars, but the difference is she doesn't have 20 years of understanding the background of them. She basically drives them and uses her gut feelings as to which is best. ”

“ I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody's car. ”

“ I was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It's not my thing to sit on the ground and play tea party, but I'll do it because it's a moment that will stick with me forever. ”

“ In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship. ”

“ My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. ”

“ Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison. ”

“ Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive. ”

“ Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end.' Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me. ”